my dad: “so after 27 years of life what advice would you give to…for instance…your younger siblings?”
me: “life’s short, enjoy it”
my day: “hmmm…i don’t know about that…54 years…i wouldn’t say it’s short”
me: “yea, but have you enjoyed those 54 years?”
my day: “no. i wouldn’t say i’ve enjoyed them, but i don’t regret anything. do you have any regrets?”
me: “nope…but then it’s only been 27 years”

it’s weird how people want different things out of life. my dad and i don’t have the best of relationships. in fact, the conversation above took place when he took me to dinner on my 27th birthday. i spent the day hoping that something would come up – like work he totally needed to finish that night – and he would cancel and we wouldn’t have to go to dinner. i’ve never really spent that much one-on-one time with my dad, and the few real conversations we’ve had ended really badly – with me in tears pretty much hating him, so the prospect of a whole evening with him was not a happy thought. and i think the reason we haven’t gotten along and we fight so much is because we are very different people with very different goals in life.

my dad is the ultimate academic. he’s pretty much had his head in his books his whole life. he started working as a teacher when he was still in high school. i don’t know how that happened but it did. after high school he would work one year and then go to college for a year then work one year etc until he got his masters, then he got a scholarship to go to the US and do his doctrate. after getting his phd at age 42 (yep it took him that long, but he was determined), he went back to university as a lecturer, he still works for a university today.

i, on the other hand, got my 3 year degree and decided that was enough schooling for me. i find i learn better when i’m actually doing something rather than when i’m told about it. i find research boring…i’d rather work on a problem myself until i get it right than read up on it – not always the fastest method of getting things done.

my dad’s goal in life is to succeed. he sets himself little goals and works at them with drive and determination until he’s conquered them. he’s also a bit of a perfectionist. i think growing up in poverty also had a major contribution to his definition of success. he grew up with nothing, so he wanted to provide for his family so they don’t go without. don’t get me wrong, he didn’t spoil us, he expects us to work hard as well to get what we want out of life – nothing on a silver platter mentality – but he’s worked hard his whole life just so that he would be able to support us financially if he needed to.

my goal in life is to enjoy it. i personally think the best way to show God that i’m thankful for the life he’s given me is to live that life and enjoy it. don’t get me wrong, i’m not talking about partying every night and being selfish and not caring about others and such, i’m talking about being happy…i’m talking about making sure that when i’m on my death bed i don’t look back and think “i should have”. i mean live life to the full. and for me that’s not found in books or material wealth. it’s found in music, and friends, and laughter. and so that’s my goal – love my friends, laugh a lot, make/enjoy music.

i admire my dad. i admire his determination and how he worked hard to get to where he is. i love that he doesn’t have any regrets. but, quite obviously, i am not my dad.

and to end this on a happier note, the dinner went so very well. it was actually a very good evening. i immediately went home and called my sister to tell her how much i enjoyed it and she breathed a sigh of relief cos she also thought it would be a disaster…sheesh…