Posts Tagged ‘growing up’
no, this is not a celebrity gossip post. this is something i’ve been thinking about and thought i would share my thoughts.
“dudes don’t seem to fear getting older and more distinguished. is this the same with ladies? ladies seem to want to be younger.” – showtibzlove, twitter
i’ve had this conversation with my friends before, and we were saying how guys get hotter with age and rattling off name after name after name, but then couldn’t think of girls who got hotter with age – we could think of girls who were always hot and remained hot with age, but none that got hotter with age. the problem is, guys grow older and become distinguished gentlemen. ladies grow older and become old ladies.
think Betty White vs Sean Connery. everyone thinks of Betty White as that old lady from [insert movie here]. they think she’s cool and all and everyone loves her, but you don’t hear guys going “i would!”; on the other hand, Sean Connery should also be called the old guy who used to be james bond, but he’s not. he IS james bond. and you don’t have to look very hard to find girls who…would. (also he has a that super hot accent *sigh*…sorry, lost focus for a second there.) an old single guy is an eligible bachelor (george clooney), a 40 year old single lady must have issues, why can’t she hold on to a man (halle berry). it’s the way the media/society portrays reality. it’s the lies we’ve bought into.
i think guys just naturally have higher self-esteem than girls. i’ve heard many comedians talk about how a guy will look in the mirror fully naked and think “hell’s yeah, brad pitt’s got nothing on this”, beer belly and all. (and as a side note, who decided brad pitt would be the bench mark…i’m totally not even a little bit attracted to brad pitt…anyway) and a girl will stand in front of the mirror and see all the flaws, see what she’s lacking, she all the stuff that needs to be fixed.
michael douglas married catherine zeta jones. he is obviously way older than her. but no fuss was made. he was “the man” for getting catherine.
demi moore married ashton kutcher. she is obviously way older than her. a huge fuss was made. why can’t she get a guy her age. such a cougar. what’s wrong with her.
a guy looks forward to getting older cause he thinks he’s going to become sean connery (james bond), michael douglas (become wealthy and marry a hot younger wife), george clooney (suave, distinguished gentlemen, eligible bachelor), etc the list goes on.
a girl fears getting older cause she thinks she’s going to become halle berry (hot, but old and alone), demi moore (hot, but can’t find a guy and have to settle for a younger man and have her every move questioned), betty white (old and forgotten), joan rivers (no comment necessary) etc. [and i'm not saying that is true of these ladies: halle isn't necesarily alone - in fact she isn't, last time i checked she had a hot male-model boyfriend; demi didn't necessarily "settle" for a younger man (she didn't need to settle, she had bruce freakin' willis); and betty is freaken awesome and cool and is definitely not forgotten, but there are certain stereotypes that are put on women as they age.]
so maybe it comes down to what we focus on: the good stuff, the lies society tells us, or the flaws that need fixing.
what would have happened if they forgot to tell me who i was
what if i just blindly walked into the world not knowing who i should be
what would it be like if i didn’t listen to all their advice
who would i be if i didn’t know who i was supposed to be
“We Never Really Grow Up, We Only Learn How To Act In Public.” via @faddygal
i have friends…obviously. and then i have my divas. we are a group of 5 girls. we met at tertiary, although we didn’t all study the same thing. and while other friends came and went, the 5 of us kinda stuck together. one recently moved out of town (one of the ones that inspired this post), but she was graduating this past week and so she came back for the graduation and while she was here we made sure we got in some much needed catch up time. anyway, when i was leaving to come back to stellenbosch, one of them borrowed me a book to read: the thirtieth candle by angela makholwa. it took 3 days to finish it. and only because in the midsts of reading i had a 21st, cricket watching, lunches, dinners, 2x church services, and other distractions (uhm…maybe distractions isn’t the right word to use here, but you get what i’m trying to say) otherwise i’m sure i could have read it all in one day. the thing that captured me, i think, is how much of myself and my divas i could see in the characters in the book. and if you knew them, i’m sure you’d see it too.
the story is focused on 4 girls who met in varsity and became friends. they are now all about ot turn 30 (hence the title), and the book documents their fears regarding getting old, meeting men, getting serious about men, starting families, dumping men, living up to society’s expectations, etc. and it goes to show how secrets have a way of coming out, the importance of honesty, and the necessity of good strong friendships in your life.
my girls and i aren’t 30 yet, we won’t be for a few years, but this book showed me what could be in the future. scared me a little bit actually. but it also reminded me not to take my girls for granted and it reminded me just how important your fam-damily is – how much you should treasure those bonds formed along the way, and how easily you can break those bonds.
honestly a super good read.
So I was trying to remember 2009 so that my last post of the year chould be a review of sorts…but I really couldn’t remember anything.
So then I went through my facebook photo albums and the ones that stand out the most are (in no particular order):
1. day in the park/beach – in Jan, Brett decided that for his birthday celebrations he was going to help out with a take-the-kids-from-an-orphanage-out-for-the-day-to-the-beach-and-love-them-day thing…and he invited people to go and help out, and i went, and it was awesomtastic. then in april and again in november some people from our church organised a take-the-kids-from-an-orphanage-out-for-the-day-to-the-park-and-love-them-day thing and once again i decided to join in. and again it was awesomtastic. i’m not the most kid-friendly person in the world…like, i would suck at being a kindergarten teacher, but i really do enjoy spending time with kids and just loving on them and making them feel wanted and loved and adored and listened to and whatever, even if it was for one day atleast they got to feel special.
2. vision k/youth/scripture union camp – as i said, i would suck at being a kindergarten teacher. and i would probably suck at being a middle/high school teacher as well, but if i had to choose, i would go for the middle/high school age group. so i’ve talked a bit about my exploits with vision k this year, and i may have mentioned the scripture union leadership camp as well – can’t remember, but yea, both of those and the youth group at my church have been highlights in my life this year. i truly do enjoy hanging out with youth and finding out where they are and if possible helping in their journey towards adulthood. i’ve been through the teenage years myself, and sometimes i still act like i’m going through them, and i remember how hard it was for me, so any help i can give someone else…
3. turning 25 – i liked turning 25. scary, yet…super cool. like i felt like i was finally an adult in a lot of ways. turning 26 is not scary, but it feels kinda sucky, don’t know if i’m going to enjoy it much.
4. namrock/baptism – so wrote a lot on namrock, and wrote about getting baptised. and definite highlights they were.
5. worship team – lots of memories. lots of laughs. lots of growing. thankfulness.
6. http://tsholo.wordpress.com/2009/10/02/worship-setlist-september-27-2009/ – i’ve been to PE quite a few times, and i always…well, i guess hate is a strong word but…well, it’s the right word. i always hated it. i was ok with like 2 days, but after that i was ready to leave. this year my dad moved to PE, then my sister also moved there. at the end of the year my lil bro is also moving there. so it will just be me and my mom in the western cape (sadness). but yea, the visit in september was so awesomtastic, i didn’t want to leave. and i’m looking forward to visiting again first week of next year…and throughout 2010. PE Love!
7. flatmating – had a super awesomtastic flatmate this year. i learned a lot from her and i totally appretiate the flatmate she was and all the talks and all the laughs and discovering “The OC” together and our late night dvd’ing and sms’ing each other from the other side of the wall and the sharing and all of it, it’s been great Lindz, will miss sharing a flat with you.
8. music and friends – the south african music scene is wow! and it’s even better when it’s live, and it’s shared with friends. new altum, flat stanley, just jinjer, aking, gravity wins again, straatligkinders, irvine, lua union, the lottery tickets, heldervue, black markets riots, 3rd world spectator, saint fearless, the rescue, tree63, the arrows, bed on bricks – just off the top of my head. memorable moments also include: being kidnapped and forced to go to the beach at 2 am when i was working the next morning, sneaking into the botanical gardens after it was closed and having a photo shoot after making a 20 minute video of us talking nonsense, TEAM AWESOMTASTIC, awesomtastic enGAGE dinners at Ginos and awesomtastic cricket watching at Ginos, SUPER inappropriate conversations and the birth of SOKs…and so much more…I really thank God for friends!
and then two more not in the photo albums, just to round it off
9. blogging – nablopomo(?) was really good for my blogging…blogging everyday for a month is not easy, totally respect those who do it year round. good and challenging. blogging has been so good for me though. it’s been a place for me to just spill what’s in my head onto something else and just get it out of my system so that it doesn’t take over. so thank you for reading.
10. God – lots of up and downs, lots of screaming and shouting, lots of late night pop-corn and cookies and ice-cream (He loves those), lots of laughing, lots of reminders, lots of fulfilled promises, lots of pouring on of LOVE, lots of us time, too much ingnoring from my side, lots of forgiveness, lots of convictions, lots of happiness and joy, more love and more reminders, lots of blessings, lots of breathe, lots of guidance, lots of mercy and grace, more love, lots of comforting, lots of more reminders for/to hope, lots of everything. Everything and LOVE!
and one more that had nothing to do with me but stands out this year was the wedding of the fish and TBV…read about it here.
a friend’s facebook status read “if you could write a letter to yourself when you were 12 years old what would you say? and do you think you’d be happy with who you’ve become?”
and this is my reply
the most important thing you can do is be real…seriously…they’ll love you anyway
you are gonna grow up…it’s not as scary as you think it is
you are gonna be tempted to settle…wait for the best
you are gonna fall madly in love with Christ…start getting to know him now
you are going to work in the corporate world…honestly, it is not as bad as you think it is
you are stronger than you think
you are worth more than you think
you are more able that you think
you are smarter than you think
you can do it
trust in yourself
believe them…they are so right about the potential within you
don’t wait too long to realise your true worth…
listen to others but don’t let them determine your true worth…
learn from your past but don’t let circumstances determine your true worth…
love…love…love…don’t be afraid to give your heart away – God is big enough to mend it if it breaks
your dad loves you…and it will all work out…don’t give up on him
these are things i wish i’d heard when i was younger…maybe if i had started hearing them then…and started believing them then, i wouldn’t be questioning them now. maybe if i had known that i have the potential to be more, and had the freedom to…i don’t know what…i would have worked harder to reach that potential.
and yea, i think 12 yr old me would be proud of who i’ve become…it’s been a long winding road…made a whole lot of mistakes…and where i am is not exactly where i thought i’d be…but i love who i am and i love who i’m becoming…
finishing off with a poem i’ve mentioned before
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
Another word for depression is reality…look it up in the dictionary if you don’t believe me. Ok, maybe it’s not, but seriously, the more I grow up and realize how the real world works…the more depressed I become. When you are young, you are so carefree and life is good…then you grow up and the struggle begins.
“Life is: Leaving the house in the morning, dressed in clothes that you bought on credit for work, driving through the traffic in a car that you are still paying for, putting in petrol that you cannot afford, in order to get to the job that you hate but need so badly so that you can pay for the clothes, car, petrol and the house that you leave empty the whole day, in order to live in it”
I was talking to my friend yesterday and we both came to the agreement that this kinda life sucks. And the worst part of it is that it becomes so routine that you have to make a conscious effort to realise it. You wake up same time everyday, get ready for work, go to work, have a tea break, back to work, go to lunch, back to work, go home, rinse and repeat. Like seriously, your life becomes one never-ending routine.
That scares me. That really scares me. The realization I came to…wait for it, this is gonna be deep…is that we are rewriting everything God says. God gives us free will and an abundant life…and how do we thank him for it? We place people in boxes. We tell them how to dress, how to speak, how to live, where to live, when to live…We take away people’s free will. We cut down on their ability to live abundantly. And why do we do it? So that we can reproduce and have kids and teach them to live the same way we do.
That is the most depressing thing ever (with the exception of hell).
I think if I was God I’d be really angry with human-kind right now – not for the other 5 million reasons he should be, but beause he creates this awesomely beautiful day for me to enjoy and I spend it inside infront of a virtual world. Craziness! And the even more worst part of all this is that there really isn’t a solution to it. I mean you need to work to make money in order to survive, and unfortunately when you work for someone else you generally don’t have the luxury of setting your own hours and deciding to enjoy the beauty of the world instead of letting it pass you by.
So that is the sadness of my life. And it would seem like that is what it’s going to be for the next 35 1/2 years…I really hope not though.
So, I just had a birthday – on friday. I was so excited about it. I’m so excited about being 24. I feel like this year instead of just growing older I’m also growing up. First birthday where I am out on my own, independent, grown up. I love it. And its one year closer to the big “quarter of a century”. Anyway, had a lovely weekend which included dinner with the family, braai with friends, watching my friends win a netball tournament, and more…
when i told my sister that i felt like this year i was actually growing up instead of just older she was so sad cos she thought i meant i’m growing older in the sense that i’m gonna start acting “my age”. and as i said to her: this is me, take it or leave it. life is too short for me to try and act like someone else. i love being me and if some see that as being immature, naive, etc well that’s their problem. i’m having fun and i’m loving life. i’m not gonna wake up one day and decide “ooh, i’m over 20 now i have to start acting like i’ve got a stick shoved where the sun dont shine”. so i’m sorry to all those i’ve disappointed by being me. but that’s not gonna change anytime soon.
my birthday is on April 4th, which is also the day that Martin Luther King Jr was assassinated (sp?) so my birthday is a historic day – although not for a good thing.
dating sucks! when i wanted a boyfriend there were no guys around – well no guys in my league anyway. now that i’ve decided that i don’t want to date there are. what is wrong with these boys. anyway…i suck at saying no, and i’m afraid someone is gonna wear me down one of these days…and i kinda have an idea who it would be. my fear is that if i was to date this guy then what happens if “the one” (or at least the one i have a crush on) comes along and i’m not available. so yea, i’m staying single…and its by choice (sort of) so will everyone stop looking at me with that look when i tell them i’m single.
1 Peter 5:10 –> this has suddenly become my favorite verse (well, one of them anyway). Came across it sometime last week. One character of God that i’ve been tightly holding onto lately is “restorer”. and here comes this verse out of nowhere that talks about that. He himself will restore me. he’ll heal me. i don’t need to do it in my own strength.
last week while someone was praying for me they said that God is gently working in me…i didn’t realise it until now but the pain i was in a few weeks ago, i was going crazy. and God in his amazing awesomeness has restored me, has helped me “move on”, to live and love and he’s moving me on to perfection.
Yoh, i love that man (Joshua Davidson).
so right now life is good again. especially after my birthday. i have such high hopes for this year. i hope and pray that i’m not disappointed.