Posts Tagged ‘Truth’
i have looked all around to find my freedom
i have searched the worlds ways but they have failed
i ran away from the rules and restrictions
i craved the freedom to be and say as i pleased
then i ran to your words
then i ran to your law
then i ran to your grace
where true freedom reigns
i find i’m truly free in the context of your law
i long for your laws to be written on my heart
i’ve found that freedom is only found in walking with you
i long to meditate on your statutes by day and by night
now i run to your words
now i run to you law
now i run to your grace
where true freedom reigns
in your truth
in your words
in your law
i find freedom
in your truth
in your words
in your law
i find me
first off let me say that i don’t think drinking alcohol is a sin, nor do i think alcohol in itself is inheretly bad…but like anything else, if abused it can be bad.
secondly, i am not an alcoholic…although it might have sounded like that from my previous post. i have however been known to drink too much on a couple of occasions, hence the “spiral” in yesterday’s post.
thirdly, as i said, i’ve been re-evaluating my life and have come to the conclusion that i have a somewhat addictive-personality…not that my personality is addictive, but rather i tend to get addicted to things easily…so for someone like me I think it would be wise to either not drink at all, or at least put some boundaries/principles in place that are going to keep you from destructive behaviors.
defining the spiral…
i love dancing…i love live music…i love music festivals…unfortunately festivals (especially those not specifically for Christians) and clubs/bars tend to have lots of alcohol and not much else in the fluidity department…so i go to these festivals/clubs/bars/whatever and as i dance/listen to the band i get thirsty, and the more thirsty i get the more i drink…this was not an everyday occurance or whatever but it has happened more often that it should have. and it seemed to happen in the same places/same people type of thing. and as i said for a while i bought the lie that it was not a problem. i was enjoying myself and having fun…but then the next day the regrets would creep in, and i wouldn’t be able to believe the lie…because in the moment of clarity, i knew the Truth and the i knew the lie…
i also happen to love wine…really love wine…so i started buying a bottle at home…just one glass after work to destress and unwind – which again, in itself is not an issue – and also it helped me sleep when insomnia was rearing it’s ugly head, but when you start drinking on a nightly basis, and it becomes something you look forward to at the end of the day and something you need in order to fall asleep…i would start questioning if maybe you might be getting addicted.
defining the boundaries
make the decision
know your limit…know that if you are in this place, with these people, in this environment you tend to drink or whatever you need to be vigilant that you don’t fall into the same traps you usually do. and if you know that you can’t control yourself in that environment, don’t be in that environment.
going out with other Christians
i find that going out with Christians, or at least people who have the same mentality as me regarding alcohol, is so much more benecial for me. it’s hard to go out with people who have the intention of getting wasted and not fall into that same space of mind yourself. it’s so much better when you go out with the intention of just having fun soberly and you have each other and can support other on that decision. i have friends who are Christian and don’t see anything wrong with drinking…they won’t force me to drink or whatever, but because they are all getting drunk i just end up going with the flow…so it’s much easier to not go there if you’ve got someone else standing with you.
i’m not a fan of accountaliby partners, i don’t like people poking their noses into my business…i am however a big fan of friends so i’ve decided to give my friends the permission to ask me the tough questions…to ask me about my walk, to ask me about the past weekend, to ask me about my struggles…and in so doing keeping me accountable without it being a formal report-back type of deal where it feels all forced…with friends at least i can be sure that there is love behind it, it’s not a you’re not good enough thing, but more of a you are good enough to beat this, and i wanna walk with you to get there.
pride goes before the fall
secret sin’s the worst to fight. all you’ve got is yourself…and if it keeps beating you obviously aren’t strong enough on your own…however a cord of three strings is harder to break…let someone in on the secret…shed light on it…and it suddenly looks a lot less scary. and when you’ve got two people fighting it becomes a much easier fight.
i’ve stopped keeping wine in my room. i’ve stopped going out with enough cash to buy me enough drinks to get drunk on. i’ve started going out with people who are like-minded on the alcohol issue…all small steps, but steps none-the-less.
This is one of those “do I push the publish button or not” posts…too real…too fresh…probably too much to put online…but realness beckons!
I used to go to a church that taught that Christians should never drink…and I believed it too. I didn’t drink, I was a good little girl…and I pretty much judged anyone who claimed to be a Christian and drank…And anyway, I really didn’t get it…”why drink at all…I have fun just like you except I can remember it in the morning…what? you only had one drink, well i’m guessing you probably still blacked out anyway…i mean really how many drinks does it take?”
The problem began when I became dissatisfied with church answers and decided to look to Jesus answers…I went through the bible to try and find that illusive verse that says those who choose to follow Christ should never drink. And I found one…you know the one where Samson is set apart as a Nazarite and never drinks…that proves that God’s people shouldn’t drink right? Ok, never mind that Jesus turned water into wine, and that Paul tells Timothy to drink a little wine – it was only cos the drinking water in that day was so bad for them that they HAD to drink wine…never mind that Jesus offered the disciples wine at the last supper or that the bible says “do not GET DRUNK on wine” not “do not DRINK wine” – same thing really…
Anyway, so here I sit with this conundrum (i really like that word) and feeling like the biggest pharisee in the world for being so judgemental. And then one day I decided to taste this heathen drink…huh, what do you know, actually tastes good. Then one day I decided to buy myself a whole bottle of cider…then another day it was 2…then another…then i got into wine…then i moved to the biggest wine producing region in south africa…spiral!
I’ve been doing a lot of inward looking lately…trying to work out issues in my life, searching for the root cause and trying to hand ALL the crap to God so he can sort it out. And one thing I realised was that alcohol gives me this sense of false freedom. When you are drunk you can say and do whatever you want…and the next day you can always just blame it on the alcohol…That lie worked for a while, until I realised that “out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks”, and the same can be said for actions as well. It wasn’t the alcohol making me do those things, it was my brokenness that wanted to do those things…the alcohol just lay down all my inhibitions and brought out the sinfulness that’s already in my heart.
And it really does feel freeing being drunk…really does…but then in the morning you wake up and you are filled with regrets, and that is not freedom! Freedom sets you free…freedom feels free…it feels good…it does not feel like a hangover…or a “oh crap I said/did that last night”…
I recently discovered that freedom is not being able to do or say whatever you want when you want – that more often than not leads to you getting hurt or hurting someone else… Freedom is found in living by the principles that lead to an abundant life. Freedom releases you to love, be loved, be in community, all that good stuff…freedom is not found in hiding, in hurt, in regret. One of my favorite passages in William Young’s “The Shack” is when Papa says to Mack that the Truth shall set you free, and the Truth has a name…Freedom is found in walking with the Truth (i’m paraphrasing).
So I’m learning to walk in the Truth…with The Truth…I’m trying to depend fully on him…trying to lean on him…and find my freedom in him.
Freedom in Love!
The thing with believing Jesus is it doesn’t leave any room to believe in the whole “all roads lead to God” theory.
I was reading about the Bahai Faith yesterday and I was amazed at how much I agreed with them. And at the heart of their religion is goodness I think. I mean how could anyone diagree with striving after truth, unity of all mankind, abolition of extreme wealth and poverty, and stiving for a society where everyone is equal – no prejudices due to religion, race, class, nationality, etc.
But then Jesus steps in and says “I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, and THE LIFE“.
As Paul says, if this whole Chrsitianity thing turns out to be a hoax, followers of The Way truly are to be pitied above all others. If one day I wake up (or don’t) and find out that I had been following a lie, I’m gonna be really pissed. But the thing is, I believe He is Truth…hence I choose to follow Him.
It would have been so much easier if he had said “pick a religion, any religion (or belief system or whatever you choose to call it) and if you truly believe it and are faithful then that is your way, your truth, and your life” … but he didn’t. What he said was that the only way to the Father is through him. And as much as I believe a lot of the same things as the Bahai (after all, most of their teachings are very much Jesus-y), that is one place where they lost me. If I am to believe Jesus is who he said he is then I can’t agree with the whole unity of religions bit…I can’t agree with someone who says you can either choose to follow Jesus, or Buddah, or Muhammed, and as long as you are faithful in following that “messenger” then you will be fine.
I belive in the trinity. I believe Jesus is God in human form. I believe He alone died and rose again in order to save me from the eternal consequences of my sin. I believe it is through Him that I can approach the throne of the supreme ruler with confidence. I believe it is through Him and Him alone that I dare to call God my Father.